Raise your hand if you failed kindergarten. 🙋🏻‍♀️

It’s true, I failed kindergarten.

They called it being “held back.” Maybe that was supposed to land softer.

“Yea…she needs a little more time,” the teacher told my parents. And I did. I was somewhat slow on the uptake. Who knows how they spot it when you are only 5 years old? I wish I could go back and observe my zippy little self. Thankfully, for whatever reason, I wasn’t bothered by the news. At least I don’t remember shedding any tears. It wasn’t a crisis to have another shot at learning colors, having stories read, or practicing letters again. Snacks included.

Now THIS outfit was a crisis… 😟

My parents say I had a spark and spirit about me. Friendly. Fun-loving. Liked to talk, maybe too much 😬. No hesitation to mix it up with strangers. I distinctly remember standing in front of a display in Strawbridge & Clothier department store, curiously talking to a mannequin…until she didn’t respond or blink. Awkwardly, I looked around and shuffled off.

As an adult, I can see the long trajectory of feeling like I didn’t quite have the skills and tools everyone else had. There were no tests back then to provide insights into learning deficiencies. But I had the sense I was coming up short from start to finish on almost everything. It left me with a slight undercurrent of exhaustion and insecurity all my life.

Don’t worry, I’m fine. More than fine. Navigating the maze of learning deficits can end up fashioning empathy, resourcefulness, and deep attunement to the abundance of beauty in every corner. There is a gift tucked away in the exact places where we feel lost. I am testimony. So are many others.

I won’t minimize it, I certainly carried a burden on and off over the years. I still do. But adulthood offers the long view. In Marilyn McEntyre’s words, “The only way I know to be honestly willing to receive hard things as a gift from God is to consider how they foster the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

Look at that list again:

“…love, joy, peace, patience…”

Hard to come by, these days…

“…kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

What if you overheard someone describe you using these words? Can you imagine?! What if one of the teachers or staff at your children’s school used a few of these beauties when talking about your child? What about an entire organization being known for self-control and faithfulness? Wow. Sadly, it is not something we aim for or train others in. These don’t come up on the year-end review. The unfortunate tsunami of consumerism has only highlighted these qualities as a means to an end: profit. Lord, save us from ourselves.

Hardship, as much as I hate it and dread it, seems to turn these seedlings into blooms that arrest us when we notice them in others, much like goldenrod at the shore. Experiencing joy and peace in someone these days is impactful because it’s peculiar.

Ocean City, NJ

When someone with these qualities enters a conversation it is noticeable. People are put at ease, even inspired and influenced. I have a long list of people who have left me in awe. Transformed by hindrance and hurdle, they radiate. I hate suffering; I think believers should hate it since it highlights the disordered world Jesus came to redeem. The death of Jesus was the only thing that would set things right; that’s a tough reality. And yet the hope is, that suffering doesn’t get the final say-so.

It’s a discipline to embrace limitations. Those who do so cultivate maturity and humility—a rare combo today. However, these tend to be the parts of me I reject, hide, overcompensate for, or feel shame about. I sincerely don’t like the feeling that I may never be able to check off some of the accomplishment boxes that matter to me.

Every once in a while an unlikely person displays a word picture confirming a fundamental truth about life. I love it when that happens. Someone in my regular routine has reminded me that weakness is nothing to be afraid of.

I work with a small team in a Christian high school in Delaware County, PA. We are called the “Student Support Team.” I work with: kids who are trying to handle ADHD, processing struggles, health issues, executive functioning gaps, etc…they remind me so much of myself. One particular young man I work with is a delight. Humble. Hard-working. Compassionate. Curious. Not easily frustrated. Honest. Dedicated. Smart. Kind.

School is tough for him. Gathering his ideas and putting them into words is like an archeological dig. They are there, but buried and elusive.

I’ve been privileged to work with Ian for almost 2 years. Sometimes growth is palpable. It certainly has been with him. Together we figured out how to get a hook into his words, pull them out of his brain, and gather them into ordered, sensible sentences. Ian has a wheelbarrow-full of thoughts. Wise, insightful thoughts. The problem is, that they get backed up on the elevator and can’t make their way down and out. Give him a few minutes and things unlock. Once he gets talking, the magic happens. He is smart. A sentence at a time I transcribe his brilliance, and boom, a well-crafted essay lands on the teacher’s desk.

We make a pretty good team.

“Only the humble believe him and rejoice that God is so free and so marvelous that he does wonders where people despair, that he takes what is little and lowly and makes it marvelous. And that is the wonder of all wonders, that God loves the lowly. ... ”

— Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Ian has taught me something simple, but profound. He has reminded me that challenges produce patience, goodness, joy, and peace. They are the engine, they are the gas. Pretending gaps aren’t there is counter-productive. Embracing them activates growth. Unfortunately, we have gotten it wrong. The toxic messages today are everywhere: “Fix those gaps.” “Get a tutor until it’s gone.” “Fake it until you make it.” “Don’t let them see you sweat.” What terrible advice—all of it. Somewhere along the way, we have misunderstood the human condition: weaknesses + strengths= being human.

I will always have gaps. I was never going to take timed tests well. Algebra will never make sense in my brain. Ever. Creating systems for my business does not come naturally. Spellcheck is necessary even as I write this essay. Inter-dependency is the way God designed things—we will consistently be better when we are carrying each other’s burdens. Sharing a vulnerable conversation and a cup of coffee with someone who names their limp reminds me that there is nothing wrong with my limp—we are all trying to make life work. We are all coming up short.

“God is not ashamed of the lowliness of human beings. God marches right in. He chooses people as his instruments and performs his wonders where one would least expect them. ”

— Deitrich Bonhoeffer

Once we witness self-control, patience, humility, gentleness, and peace in others we are oriented. Sadly, we avoid the very challenges that lead to transformation. Or we get ahead of our kids and with effort push back the hardships, the very scenarios that shape them into good friends, mature adults, and lovely co-workers. Ian doesn’t feel the need to overcompensate or hide. He knows his struggles, asks for help, feels good about his effort, and thanks me every single day on his way out. Gratitude is a guaranteed outcome. To be sure, he shows marked progress in his schoolwork, but far more consequential than that, humility and kindness exude from him.

A peaceful spirit

A humble demeanor

A genuine respect for others

A confidence that comes after facing challenges

Goodness, faithfulness, self-control…

The goal is not to raise kids who have no gaps. Figuring out a way to erase weakness in our lives should not be what any of us strive for. Rightly understood, weakness is a conduit for connection. We aren’t meant to do it alone. The more we avoid weakness, the lonelier we get. More than that, our weaknesses are a platform for the glory, strength, redemption, and goodness of God to shine. Paul says such radical, counter-cultural words, “I will boast about my weakness!”

Look at the whole passage from II Corinthians 12—

“But [the Lord] said to me, ‘'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Eugene Peterson translates it in his winsome way in The Message:

“It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

Let’s not minimize the paralyzing difficulties we face. I am fatigued by mine. It’s a rare day, if ever, I BOAST about weakness. We won’t get anywhere if we pretend this is easy. In fact, it is essential to be truthful; it encourages us to take hold of the other fundamental: We need the Holy Spirit. And God is gracious. Remember, “He delights to show mercy.” We can turn in surrender and honesty to the One who has no gaps, and pray our real and raw emotions,

“Lord, I want so much to NOT be weak. I hate to need people. I want to hide. I feel lost and broken in ways that I think keep me from thriving. Most days, it feels like I bring so little good into the world. I pause here and ask you to give me more of you. Be strong where I am weak. Be my energy where I feel spent. Replace my insecurity with confidence knowing that you are the one who can resurrect the parts of me that are numb and afraid to risk. Give me faith to believe that weakness is an opportunity for others to experience you through me. Give me the desire for you to shine. Most days, forgive me, I don’t care about that. But in my bones, at my core, I know that to see you shine is when I feel most secure and safe.”

Embrace a new framework, my friends: In WEAKNESS you are strong…

“God is near to lowliness; he loves the lost, the neglected, the unseemly, the excluded, the weak and broken.”

— Deitrich Bonhoeffer

---

Reach Out to Dawn

Dawn comes alive when she works one-on-one with individuals who desire growth but aren’t sure where to start. She knows how easy it is to factor God out of our everyday lives. This is her passion, bringing Him back to center.

Contact her to schedule a free consultation:

Or, if you have questions, send her an email!